An article dated on August 14th from humorix.org came pass my desk today. Where it was an interesting piece, but as someone who worked on the OpenSSH portable project for many years I have to point out the answer to a question they raised in the article.

“But if aliens could create universes that run Linux, why didn’t they do it, and, more to the point, why can’t we SSH into them?”

Now I won’t get into the silliness of Linux being created before it was created, but needless to say aliens have had UNIX driven cultures for years (just look at AIX for proof of Alien UNIXes). However, I want to address why we can’t SSH into the alien network.

First off, lets discussion ‘rsh.’ This protocol was used by the original universe designers in order to log into different aspects of their solar system to ensure planet building was progressing correctly, and they would make modifications if something was wrong. However, as solar systems started being connected into a larger structure the problem with “planet hijacking” become common.

Thus a new protocol was formed called “SSH v1.” It was more of an ad hoc agreement than an Alien Network Task Force (ANTF) approved transportation method. As a result, the protocol slowly became popular and wasn’t very well respected. What harmed it even more was flaws found that reduced it to rsh protocol. Even after those had been patched and discussed. It was already a losing venture as others stepped in stating the patches weren’t a final solution to the problem.

The argument went as such. This protocol has allowed us to connect solar systems together, but it can’t withstand the force of expanding beyond into other galaxies and universe. We need to start over and design a protocol that can detect and recover from being transmitted too close to a black hole or through an unstable nebula.

Thus SSH v2 was created and submitted to the ANTF. After it was completed, studies showed that this new protocol required five times more energy to drive it half the distance. Thus they built SSH Gates that would allow for boosting of the signal in a secure and transparent way.

Now we get to the heart of the problem. Our galaxy has long ago lost access to Datahole Physics branch that is needed to build these super power gateways. Thus for us to communicate with our alien world builders we must recover this technology.

Since leaving the OpenSSH Team I’ve spent vast amount of time tracking down technologies left by our forefathers in Japan, Austria and Pango-Pango that would provide me a complete picture of how the Datahole Physics branch would work, and how we can recreate SSH Gates using current technology. Sadly, I think the solution will not be found in my lifetime.